People can be abusive without realizing it. Just because you don't believe they would want to hurt and manipulate you doesn't mean they won't and aren't. Abuse is a defense mechanism for the abuser, and some of us don't recognize it for what it is.For example, I used to manipulate people with my learned helplessness. I was insecure and afraid, so I would make people coddle me and give me attention by making them feel that the consequences of refusing would be dire to my health ("I dont know what Id do right now if you weren't ______ing" or "I can't do this, my anxiety is so terrible Id rather kill myself"[bonus points for not actually asking for help but being overly dramatic and expecting it]). Only now do I realize what damage I caused to people I genuinely love and would never ever hurt.
Coming from this perspective shows me that someone can love you and care for you but still be an abuser, and still not know it.
